


Carswell's Guide to Being Vulnerable

by lionofsounis



Category: Lunar Chronicles - Marissa Meyer
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, PL A TON IC EVE RY TH ING, PLATONIC FLUFF IS MY LIFEBLOOD, Platonic Hugging, Platonic I Love You's, Platonic Kissing, Platonic Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-19
Updated: 2017-07-19
Packaged: 2018-12-04 02:13:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11545311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lionofsounis/pseuds/lionofsounis
Summary: “What are you doing?”“I'm giving you a hug, you idiot.”“Cinder--”“Shut up, Thorne.”Thorne visits Cinder in the hospital for a slumber party chat about their crushes. Toenail painting not included. Some H/C, mostly banter. Both of them being sappy idiots and best friends.





	Carswell's Guide to Being Vulnerable

**Author's Note:**

> fam im gonna scream listen in terms of platonic relationships, the lunar chronicles is everything i've ever wanted. my children are so full of love and they deserve a rest.
> 
> takes place at the end of Winter, before Cinder's out of the hospital and before she and Thorne have their ~meeting~ with the world leaders. also, i've always kind of wanted an explanation for Thorne kissing that Lunar girl, so i worked that in here too.

Cinder fell asleep before Kai had even left.

 

When she awoke, he was gone. She wasn't surprised. He was busy as it was, and now he was trying to keep her kingdom afloat on top of his own _and_ deal with the aftermath of… everything. She wasn't surprised.

 

She _was_ little disappointed though.

 

She was still hazy from sleep and whatever medication she’d been injected with, so she didn't immediately notice the nurse changing her bandages. The nurse apologized for disturbing her, saying something about being almost finished.

 

Cinder struggled to fully wake up. “Don't worry about it,” she managed, her voice sounding fuzzy and strange to her ears.

 

The nurse said something else which Cinder didn't think needed a reply. Instead, she stared, unfocused, at the ceiling. She wasn't much in the mood for talking anyway.

 

At least, until she heard a surprisingly welcome, not-Kai voice at the door.

 

“Hey, beautiful.”

 

Cinder rolled her eyes, but felt herself grin. “Shut up,” she said.

 

“Sorry, should I tack a ‘Your Majesty’ on that? Or am I just not allowed to compliment you anymore?” Thorne entered the room, smiling back at her, though his expression was more reserved than Cinder’s grin. He looked cleaner than she'd seen him in a long time. He had on a new set of clothes, and she realized she'd never seen him clean shaven before. Even the cast on his hand was pristine and white.

 

“When have you ever complimented me before?”

 

He bypassed the visitor's chair next to her bed and plopped himself down on the covers near her knee, pretending to be affronted. But she held a hand up before he could speak. “Hitting on me like a creep does _not_ count as complimenting me.”

 

“A creep!” he exclaimed, but relented when he saw her unimpressed face. “All right, all right, I've been a bit obnoxious at times, admittedly.”

 

Cinder snorted. “A bit?”

 

But he gave her a cheeky grin. “Besides, I guess you don't need me now that you and Kai are officially a thing.”

 

“Ugh, shut up,” Cinder said again, glancing at the open door, but the nurse was gone.

 

Thorne only laughed. “You _are_ officially a thing, right?”

 

“Well, he got married. And then I killed his wife, who was also my aunt. And I've been sort of unconscious ever since. So I don't know.”

 

“So what about all the making out in the Rampion the past few weeks?”

 

Cinder spluttered something incoherent.

 

Thorne laughed again. The sound seemed to come a little easier every time he did. “What, like you thought I didn't notice? I'm not _that_ stupid. Especially not when it comes to _l’amour_.”

 

“Yeah, as long as it's not your own,” Cinder retorted and he had the grace to blush.

 

“Well, what about in the throne room?” he persisted, after a nervous chuckle and a tug at his collar.

 

Cinder stared at him balefully. “Which part?”

 

“You called him your boyfriend,” Thorne reminded her, and when she shifted uncomfortably, he added, “don't think I missed that just because I was falling to my death.”

 

“You weren't falling to your death then.”

 

“Stop changing the subject. You know, he’s been calling you his girlfriend.”

 

Cinder thought her newly-stitched together heart was going to pound out of her chest. “He has? I mean, shut up. When did he say that?”

 

“On the podship when I took him back to Earth. We had a fun, teenagers-at-a-slumber-party bonding session. Didn’t get to painting each other’s toenails though.”

 

Cinder narrowed her eyes, very much wanting to know more about that, but unsure if she would regret it.

 

Thorne spoke before she could decide. “Never mind that though, you still haven’t answered the question: are you official or not?”

 

“I don't know, okay? We didn't really have much time to chat, what with him running my country for me and me being on drugs and all.”

 

Thorne threw up his hands and heaved a sigh. “After all the trouble I go through to get you two together!”

 

“Oh, is _that_ what you've been doing?”

 

“That's what _all_ of us have been doing. With a side of saving the world, maybe.” He grinned at her again, but her own smile faded a little. He was… different. There was something new in his eyes. Something that hadn't been there before.

 

Before he'd stabbed Cress.

 

Before she'd tried to stop him from hurting Cinder, all while bleeding to death in his arms. Before Cinder had sent him flying across the room and he'd stayed there, afraid of what he else he might be made to do.

 

“Hey --” Cinder began. Her voice was just a little lower, almost unnoticeably so, but Thorne knew her too well. He caught the difference and looked away.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

He pulled a smile onto his face, but couldn't quite keep it up. “Yeah.”

 

Cinder raised an eyebrow.

 

“What?” he asked, stubbornly. “I'm fine.”

 

Cinder’s eyebrows rose even higher. He looked away again. They sat that way for a moment, at an impasse. Then Cinder reached out and touched his sleeve, her metal hand feeling heavy against the light fabric of his shirt.

 

“You’re not. But you know Cress will be, right?”

 

He blinked at her hand as if confused by it. “What?”

 

“Cress will be fine.”

 

Thorne said nothing, but turned his confused blinking on her face.

 

“She'll be fine. Kai told me.” Kai hadn't actually said so -- he'd said she was stable, though still in stasis, and he hadn't seemed worried, so Cinder was willing to be confident, especially since it seemed Thorne wasn't.

 

“I know,” he said, bristling a little. Cinder gave him a look. “I _know._ It's just… she almost wasn't.” He ran a hand through his hair, mussing it so it stuck out at all angles.

 

Cinder squeezed his arm, just a little. He froze, then hesitantly put his hand on top of hers.

 

“And even if she is,” he sighed. “She's still in there because of me.”

 

“It was Levana, not you,” Cinder told him, her voice firm.

 

But he only shook his head. “I know. That's what I've been trying to tell myself. That's what everyone's saying. That's what everyone's been barging into my room to tell me ever since Kai badgered it out of me.” He rolled his eyes. Cinder decided that, too, was a story she would very much like to hear, though now wasn't the time. “It's probably what Cress will say, too,” Thorne continued, sighing again.

 

“But?”

 

“But it was also me. I mean -- not my thoughts or what I wanted to do _at_ _all --_ but… everytime I close my eyes I can see it all over again…” He looked at Cinder and she finally put a name to the different _something_ in his eyes. She'd seen it when she caught him and hauled him back over the edge, more scared than she'd ever known him to be. She'd seen it, too, when a bleeding Cress dangled from his arm and he’d sobbed -- full on ugly sobbing, nothing like she'd ever seen a grown man do before.

 

He was… vulnerable.

 

She'd always known, of course, that he was vulnerable -- if for no other reason than the fact that no one was actually _that_ confident -- but it had never been visible before. Now it seemed to be a permanent fixture, like something inside him had broken.

 

Cinder had always wished he’d be a little more honest, a little more real. But now, the light in his eyes seemed just a little dimmer, and she wondered if the change really was for the better.

 

“It's still my hand I see on the knife, Cinder,” he said.

 

There were tears in his eyes and she could feel that there should be some in hers. She felt her brow crease in concern.

 

She knew how it felt to be manipulated into doing things she didn't want to do, whether because of Lunar powers or not. She knew she had done some bad, even horrible, things to be where she was today. All of them had.

 

But she couldn't help but wonder if Thorne hadn't been given the worst nightmare of all. She tried to imagine how she’d feel if she had been made to hurt Kai like that. The only feeling she could come up with was a sort of soul-crushing defeat, and yes, guilt -- regardless of mind control.

 

She grunted, struggling to sit up straighter.

 

“Hey, whoa, Cinder, what are you doing?”

 

Cinder motioned to the control for her bed, grimacing. “Help me sit up a little, would you?”

 

Thorne gave it to her, but his hands went right back to hovering around her like he was some sort of mother hen. “Seriously, I don't think this is a good idea. What if you pull your stitches?”

 

“I won't. At least, not if you work with me. Now come here.” She tugged on his shoulders.

 

“What are you doing?” he asked, leaning into her, but only a little.

 

She huffed, pulling him closer still. “I'm giving you a hug, you idiot.”

 

He was hesitant -- still surprised, and very wary of her injuries -- but finally she felt his arms wrap around her and tighten. She tightened her own grip, her arms around his shoulder on one side and curving around his ribs on the other. They stayed that way for a long time. She felt him let out a deep, shuddering breath at one point and his chin got heavier on her shoulder. She pulled tighter still.

 

“Cinder,” he warned, in a muffled voice. He was still worrying about her stitches.

 

“Shut up, Thorne,” she told him, and he did, though he huffed out a short laugh first.

 

“So what about you guys?” she asked, some time later.

 

He stiffened, pulling back a little in confusion. “What?”

 

“You and Cress. Are you _officially a thing?”_ It gave her no little satisfaction to toss his words back at him.

 

He choked, pulling away almost completely. He placed his hands on her arms to push her away but seemed to forget what he was doing and left them there.

 

He was blushing, and his eyes were red, though she hadn't noticed him crying.

 

“Uh, _what?”_ he said again.

 

 _“Are you and Cress officially a thing?”_ She repeated, in a tone that left no doubt as to her opinion of his intelligence. When his mouth hung open, she tried to clarify. “Are you dating? Is she your girlfriend? Are you her boyfriend? How can I possibly make this clearer?”

 

He stammered, as she had, trying to respond. “I mean, she's sort of unconscious right now.”

 

But Cinder steamrolled along. “Have _you_ been making out in the Rampion for the last few weeks?”

 

Thorne sputtered a no.

 

“Have you been making out in the desert?”

 

Another no.

 

“While you were on top-secret missions together?”

 

He turned bright red.

 

 _Jackpot,_ Cinder thought.

 

She didn't give him the chance to respond.“Have you told her yet? Have you professed your undying love for her?” She channeled Iko as best she could, throwing a dramatic hand to her forehead and sighing loudly, then ruining the whole thing with a grin.

 

“No! At least -- well, no.”

 

“Aha!” she pounded him hard on the arm.

 

“Ow! Hey!”

 

“Finally!”

 

“I didn't, okay!? I didn't tell her --” He trailed off, still blushing.

 

Cinder eyed him carefully, wanting to memorize his reaction to the next part of their conversation. She hoped her interface would record it for her future amusement. “What about in the throne room?”

 

He looked at her in confusion, then made a face. “What part?” he said, enjoying throwing her words back as well, though he clearly didn't know what she was talking about.

 

“‘Tell Cress I meant it.’”

 

He paled.

 

“Don't think I missed it just because I was trying to save you from falling to your death,” she teased.

 

“I wasn't falling to my death yet.”

 

“But you thought you were about to.” She softened. “What was I supposed to tell her you meant?”

 

“She would have known,” he replied mulishly.

 

“Oh come on! If that wasn't referencing your undying love for her, what could it _possibly_ have been about?”

 

“It wasn't -- it's not -- it didn't go quite how you think, okay? We can't all have fairy tale romances like you and the Prince,” he said, his tone snooty.

 

Cinder snorted. Then she studied his face. He avoided her eyes.

 

“Oh, stars _,”_ she said. “You said something really dumb, didn't you?”

 

“I wasn--! It wasn't my fault, okay? I was just -- It wasn't my fault!”

 

Cinder laughed, harder than she had in ages. “You are _so_ full of it. All your flirting and smooth talking and then when you actually, really do like a girl, you turn into a total loser.”

 

“Hey!”

 

“You're right, you're usually a total loser.”

 

“You're a loser!”

 

“Nice comeback.” They were distracted for a moment by making faces at each other. Then Cinder settled back against her pillow, feeling more comfortable than she had all day. “It’s boring in here. Tell me the story.”

 

He exhaled noisily, and for a long time, like he knew telling her was inevitable, but he was going to put it off as long as possible anyway. Pink was already creeping up his cheeks again.

 

“Fine, okay, listen. I'm serious that it wasn't my fault, though, okay?”

 

Cinder looked skeptical. He rolled his eyes.

 

“It was when we snuck into the coronation, and at one point, uh, I may have… accidentally kissed this Lunar girl--”

 

Cinder groaned. “Oh, aces, Thorne. How do you accidentally kiss someone?”

 

“She was glamoured!”

 

“So was everyone else! We talked about this going in.”

  
“I _know,_ but it's one thing to tell yourself that and a totally different thing to actually be _in_ it. I just trust what I can see okay? I was blind once, I deserve some consideration.”

 

“You were blind for like, five weeks.”

 

“I still was though! Anyway -- I don’t mean to brag -- but most of them were pretty flirty. The party guests, I mean. With me.”

 

“Oh aces,” Cinder said again.

 

“Stop saying that. And I may have made some… uh, poor choices when responding to said flirting. And Cress was a little annoyed, because --”

 

“Because you hit on everything that moves?”

 

“Yeah, that’s kind of how she put it. Anyway, I didn't really notice how annoyed she was -- because, yes, I am an idiot, you don't need to point it out -- and at one point we got separated. Just for a moment. Ten seconds tops, there was this crowd of people and we just… anyway, they passed by, and I was panicking, because I didn't know where she'd gone, and then she appeared out of nowhere, and came walking up to me all relieved and I was -- I was really relieved too. I mean, I shouldn't have been as relieved as I was, because I shouldn't have been panicking as much as I was; we were only separated for a few seconds really, and--”

 

“It was a stressful situation,” Cinder cut off his rambling. “I get it.”

 

“Yes! Yes, it _was_. Exactly. Anyway, she comes up to me all ‘oh, there you are!’ and before I know what's happening, she's -- well, she kissed me. And I was so relieved, and I’d wanted to kiss her for so long --”

 

Cinder wanted to rib him for that, but decided to let it go.

 

“-- and I was really having trouble with the glamours, and…” he trailed off with another sigh. “Well, I, uh, I kissed her back.”

 

“Uh huh.”

 

“For a while.”

 

“Ugh, gross, Thorne.”

 

“I'm just saying, it was a good kiss.”

 

“I don't need _those_ details!”

 

“You asked for the story! Anyway, we kissed, and, uh--”

 

“And?”

 

“And I might have said something stupid like ‘I think I'm in love with you’ which is what she said to me once, except we were lost in the Sahara and she was delirious with a fever and also didn't really know me at all. Anyway, I said it, and she laughs and wanders away with her Lunar friends, and I turn around, and there's Cress. Like, actually Cress.”

 

“Aces and spades, Thorne.” But Cinder was laughing.

 

“So she was mad.”

 

“Understandably.”

 

“Shut up, I don't even know why I agreed to tell you this. So then we had a very uncomfortable conversation in the hall until we snuck into the conservatory -- which is _very_ nice, by the way, probably my favorite room in the palace, great for making out, I mean, making up --”

 

“Thorne!”

 

“What? You might need to know that some day.”

 

“Okay, you made _up_ in the conservatory. Spare me that part.”

 

“And then the guards came and we got separated. I might have kissed her again at some point. Whatever. Cut to me on a balcony, about to fall to my death.”

 

“Hey, no, come on. What happened in between? I want to know that, too.”

 

“You only asked about Cress.”

 

“You're talking anyway. How'd you get caught? How did you get _shot?”_

 

“I'll have you know I was being very heroic.”

 

“I don't believe you.”

 

“I know you're goading me.”

 

“Would you just tell me what happened?”

 

“Fine. The guards kicked us out of the conservatory, and we tried to bluff it off like nothing happened but they must've noticed something and then there was a lot of running. Anyway, I told Cress to hide, gave her my gun, and ran off to distract them.”

 

“So they followed you and she got away.”

 

“Obviously. And then they _shot_ me and dragged me off to the dungeons, which you should definitely get rid of, by the way. _Then_ cut to me on a balcony.”

 

“Aww, Thorne.”

 

“Your tone is mocking but it really was very romantic so I'm taking it as a compliment.”

 

“I wasn't mocking you.”

 

“Sure. And I'm the queen of the moon.”

 

“No but really. You can be --” Cinder struggled for the right word.

 

“Dashing and romantic?”

 

“No.”

 

“Handsome? Daring?”

 

“No!”

 

“More heroic than the star of a net drama?”

 

“Yes, that one.”

 

He was caught off guard by her sudden agreement. “Whoa, really?”

 

“Drawing off the guards to keep Cress safe is pretty heroic, even I can't deny it.”

 

“Well, she--”

 

“Don't ruin it by saying something stupid.”

 

His mouth snapped shut.

 

“You’ve done it for me, too. More than once. And for the others too. I mean, I know you like Cress, but that's the thing. The good part of you was always there. She saw it from the beginning. It’s why she likes you. And that’s why she’s so good at bringing it out.”

 

“Spades, Cinder, that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me. Wait -- did you and Cress talk about me?”

 

Cinder waved the comment aside. “What, like we didn't have any down time on the Rampion?”

 

“I thought you spent your down time with Kai.”

 

“Not all of it! Anyway. I didn't always sleep so great. Neither did Cress. Planning a revolution is stressful, and you’re not the only one who can have slumber party bonding sessions. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, she was right about you.”

 

“What does that make you?”

 

“Wrong, I guess, but not as wrong as you think!” she amended when she saw him gearing up for a victory crow. “I knew you were good. I just didn't know it the way Cress did. She knew right away. I figured it out later.”

 

“When?”

 

“What?”

 

“When did you figure out I wasn't the hardened space criminal that even I didn't know I was pretending to be?”

 

“When you stayed with me even though you didn't have to. When you flew all over the world to help me even though you could have ditched me anywhere and been safer. When I thought you were dead in a fiery satellite crash and then you appear, good as new, in the middle of a desert and it was the most relieved I’ve ever felt in my life.”

 

“Good as new? I was blind, Cinder.”

 

“Yeah, but your conscience was showing. So. Good as new.”

 

“Wow. I can't believe everyone knew I was a good person before I did. You know, Kai gave me the same speech.” He paused. “Well, there’s always hope for Jacin. He still hates me.”

 

“I really don’t think so.”

 

“I'm ninety-nine percent sure he does.”

 

“Jacin’s just as full of it as you are. He doesn't hate anything as much as he pretends.”

 

“I punched him, by the way.”

 

Cinder snorted. “He probably deserved it.”

 

“I also gave him a hug.”

 

Cinder stared. “You did _what?”_

 

“We met up in the tunnels. Before we caught up with you. I punched him and told him it was for betraying us in New Beijing. Then I hugged him and said _that_ was for taking care of Cress.”

 

“Wow. I can't decide which of those is more delightful.”

 

“Honestly, I think he preferred the punch.”

 

“I know, that's what makes it so delightful. What did he do when you hugged him?”

 

“Well, he didn't hug me back.”

 

“Please hug him again, I want my processors to record the look on his face.”

 

Thorne started to laugh.

 

“And whenever things are bad I’ll watch it back and laugh.”

 

“Aces, being a cyborg sounds great. I mean, aside from the prejudice and racism, but whatever.”

 

“What about you? I hear you’re thinking about joining the club.” Cinder held up her metal hand, waggling her fingers.

 

Thorne ran his good hand over his cast. “Thinking about it, yeah. We’ll see. Like I said, not really looking forward to the prejudice.”

 

“You’re an American man, you have literally everything else going for you. I think you’ll be fine.”

 

“Fair enough, but why invite that on my head when I don’t have to? Although I do like your finger tranquilizers. Those are handy.”

 

“Knowing you, you’d use cyborg fingers for hair gel.”

 

“Hey, I don’t use hair gel. These waves are naturally perfect. A comb _would_ be useful though.”

 

“You’re an idiot,” Cinder told him, then yawned.

 

He grinned at her, and he looked even more like his old self. “Yeah. Yeah, I think I am.” They sat quietly together, for a long moment.

 

Cinder broke the silence. “Hey, Captain?”

 

He looked at her, startled, though more surprised at the title usage than at the broken silence. “You never call me Captain,” he said.

 

“Listen --”

 

“You always call me Thorne.”

 

She sighed. “Thorne.”

 

“It’s like you don’t respect my position.”

 

“Captain.”

 

“Are you saying you respect me now? Because --”

 

_“Carswell.”_

 

He blinked. Then blinked again. “That’s very weird,” he said.

 

“Listen,” she said firmly, before he could start rambling again. “I need to say something.”

 

“Uh, no thanks, I think we’ve talked about our feelings enough today. Besides, this would be a really inconvenient time to declare passionate love for me, since we’ve both just explained that we’re seeing other people, and --”

 

“Thank you.”

 

He stopped short, again.

 

“Seriously, Thorne. Thank you. I couldn’t have done this without you. You were with me the whole time, from the very beginning. Even when I didn’t have Iko, I always had you. And I know I yell at you a lot, and I know I think you’re stupid, but… you didn’t have to help me, and --”

 

“You busted me out of prison. I kind of owed you.”

 

“You did _not_. And even if you did, you paid me back by getting me out of the city. You didn’t have to stay with me. You didn’t have to do any of this. But you did.” Cinder paused. She was suddenly very glad she couldn’t cry. She was being sappy enough -- to _Thorne_ of all people -- she didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of getting choked up. She cleared her throat. He smiled at her: a small, ordinary, but very real and very honest smile -- not at all his usual smarmy grin. “I think you’re my best friend, Thorne.”

 

The grin got a little smarmy. “Aw, Cinder. You’re my best friend too.” They paused to bask in the heartwarming moment. Then he frowned. “Wait, what about Iko?”

 

“Okay, you’re my second best friend.”

 

“That’s better.”

 

Cinder smiled and shook her head, then yawned again.

 

“I think you better get some more rest, oh queen of the moon,” Thorne told her, tucking her blankets around her like she was a little kid.

 

“I’m not asleep.”

 

“You’re about to be.”

 

“Well, you can sit with me till then.”

 

He raised his eyebrows, then settled back on the bed. “Well, then, if I’m staying… I guess I have to say thank you, too.”

 

Cinder snorted sleepily. “For what? I nearly got you killed a hundred times over.”

 

“Oh sure, but you got me a lot of other stuff too.”

 

“Like what?”

 

“Cinder, you believed in me. And you trusted me. That’s not something a lot of people do.”

 

“Because you steal from them.”

 

“Okay, yes, but… even before the stealing. I’ve never really had friends, and my family was… well, you know. But you gave me a chance. I mean, you broke like, a hundred laws to do it, but you gave me a chance to do something right for once. And anyway, without you, I never would’ve met Cress. So thanks for everything, but mostly… thanks for sending me to the satellite that day.”

 

Cinder could feel the drugs kicking in, but she smiled anyway. “You two are cute.”

 

“Excuse me? Was that a compliment? Did you just say I was cute?”

 

“Only with Cress.”

 

“Still called me cute though.”

 

“You’re welcome,” Cinder said. Her eyes were closed. Her voice sounded fuzzy.

 

She heard, rather than felt, the mechanical buzz as Thorne lowered her bed again. “You too, Your Majesty.”

 

In that moment, in her sleepy, drug-addled state, Cinder did something she knew she’d regret later. Forcing her eyes back open, she tugged Thorne’s face down and planted a kiss on his cheek.

 

“I love you, Captain,” she said, before she could think better of it.

 

Her interface needn’t have recorded the next moment: she knew Thorne would never let her forget it. The last thing she saw before closing her eyes again was his utterly delighted face, right up close, blocking her view of anything else.

 

“Wow, I can’t wait to tell Kai you kissed me and told me you loved me.”

 

She grumbled something incoherent and heard him laugh. Then the mattress shifted as he leaned forward, and she felt his lips brush her forehead. Everything went dark, but she could still hear him.

 

“I love you too, Cinder.”


End file.
